sad girl

Endless Love

He called me at night. It was 2:00 a.m. perhaps, I don’t really remember but yes it was late at night. I rubbed my eyes and spoke in my sleepy voice
“Hello baby, what happened? Why have you called me so late?”
“I was missing you.”
“I miss you too baby.” I turned towards right and closed my eyes feeling the love he was showering from the other side.
“Can you wake up for a while love?”
“Ummm, no I want to sleep in your arms. Come here and let’s sleep together.” I said
“But what if I don’t want to sleep and live the moment with you? Won’t you do that for me?”
“Of course, but do we need to do that today itself? I am tired from work baby.”
“Oh honey, it is so hard for you to work under those morons. Quit that job for my sake and go follow your dreams. Become the bestselling author you have always wanted to be. Open a restaurant, get your name in the most influential people’s list and just rock the world with your name.”
“I love it when I see you passionately talking about my dreams.”
“And I love you and all your dreams.”
“I love you too Kabir. Don’t ever leave me because I want to live those dreams with you.”
“I won’t little honeybun. Okay now go to sleep because you are tired. We will talk tomorrow morning.”
I got up at 9 o’ clock the next morning. Mom was knocking at the door. The knocking was different that day. It depicted haste and something bad. Something unusual, that I could sense without opening the door. I finally got up from my bed and opened the door. Before I could even see mom’s face she embraced me with all her strength. She was crying, not crying but howling with screams and her face was all wet. I could feel her tears on my shoulders. I held her from her shoulders and pushed her back.
“What is the matter mom? Tell me, just tell me so that I can know.”
“Kabir..” and she started crying again.
Kabir got engaged to me a month back so he was family and that is why known to all family members. I could not think of what my mom was actually crying for. She was only taking Kabir’s name amidst all that crying. So I ran back to my bed and picked up my cell phone. Just then I remembered him calling me last night when I talked to him in sleep. I saw his number in call log and pressed the call button. One hand on my forehead and other one on my waist, I was so restless that I was just walking here and there in the room. The phone finally rang and I closed my eyes and kissed my hand and touched my forehead and then my neck while thanking god in mind. He did not pick up the first time. He did not pick up the 10th time. Mom collapsed on the door and said,
“He will never pick up your call.”
I threw my phone on the bed and went to her. I sat in front of her with tears in my eyes. That was the fear flowing through my veins. I placed my hair behind my ear and sat in front of my mom. I held her hand and said,
“Tell me what happened to Kabir? Please mom tell me.”
She held my other hand too and spoke,
“Kabir met with an accident last night and left all of us this morning.”
My world was shattered in a second. He made that call in the night for a reason and I realized that too late. The tears stopped and I did not know how to react. I had never loved somebody this much and all of a sudden that someone was no more. Mom was silent now, she was just staring at her daughter who was broken to bits.
I went to my bed and opened Kabir’s image in my phone gallery. I had not checked my notifications but I saw that there was a message from Kabir:

“Anaya, you are beautiful. I did not think I deserve you but I know I am the only one who can handle you. These 8 years were the best years of my life because you were there and now when we were going to live the rest of the life together, it seems I need to leave. I know you will cry when you know this and you will cry even more for blaming yourself to prefer to sleep. I know my baby really well but you made my goodbye more beautiful. I did not want to leave while seeing you cry. You know I hate to. That day on our engagement you looked like a princess. My princess. My parents told me that how lucky I was to have you and I cannot agree more. I know you have loved only me all your life but for the sake of our love I want you to do something for me. Don’t shut yourself in that room. Whenever you miss me, cry because holding those tears back would hurt you and me more. Don’t quit life at all, there is no hurry as I will be waiting for you up there but at the right time. One thing I really don’t want you to give up is your dreams. Live for our dreams, make me proud and not guilty. Most importantly don’t shut the doors of your heart for anyone. Maybe one day you get to marry Dave Franco :p I had always disliked him because you have loved him always. Smile baby because I am within you. I know this is going to ache a lot for a longer time but my baby needs to stand up like a queen. The way she has always done. Whenever you look at the moon, just smile and close your eyes, you will see me. This is indeed the hardest goodbye to you love.

Sirf tera Kabir hoon main and tera hi ban kar jaraha hoon.

The pain is a little less now as it has been 7 years. I have become an author and I always make sure he is a part of my writings. I live with his memories and his thoughts. Maybe there will be nobody who can take his place because some people aren’t meant to be replaced. I will wait for the day God unites us once again.

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