I married the girl who did not love me. That was not the reason for marrying her but I thought she would love me. My mother’s words still echo deep inside,
“Rahat will fall for you because I have raised you to be the ideal man”
As soothing as her name is Rahat, she was the girl of my dreams. The day our parents told us to meet in the CCD near my place, was the first day I saw those unearthly eyes. She did not look at me all the time. I ordered two Cappuccinos. She sipped from the cup with her eyes on the table. With the first sip she closed her eyes forcefully and I got to know that she burnt her tongue. That hurt felt in my tongue.
I narrated all my life experiences all good and bad. Nowadays it is obvious to have a past so I revealed every little detail about my life. I even told her about the two girls that I dated back in college and how I broke up with them. She did not speak anything for the entire meeting. I finally asked her
“Are you comfortable with me? Don’t you have anything to ask?”
“No I am okay.” She gave a vividly fake smile.
“Are you not happy about us? I mean if we get to marry each other, would you be happy?”
“Yes, my parents think I will be”
“And what do you think Rahat?” I held her arm and shook her to look at me.
She looked at me with the red blood in her eyes and said,
“It does not seem my approval is needed.”
I fell in love with her anger and pain at the same time. I placed my hand on hers and said,
“Don’t worry, I will say no.”
She got up and said,
“My parents won’t punish you for saying no but me. So whatever your decision is, let them know.”
She walked away taking my entire world into her. I went back home and told my mother about my decision of marrying her. One week later I brought her home as my lawfully wedded wife.
It has been two years since our marriage and she is still the same stranger whom I met in CCD that day. She has never opened up to me about her pain or fears. She takes care of everybody at home. All are happy and so am I but it hurts to see that she is living a life that is not hers. It belongs to me, it belongs to her parents, and it belongs to my parents.
I finally talked to her brother and told him the misery of his sister. He cried and told me about her past.
“Di went through heartbreak in a relationship. She wanted time for herself to get over that person she loved. Mom dad thought marriage would help her get over him. She was never convinced with that idea but the pressure kept on increasing.”
“But why did she not tell me?”
“Before you two boys came to see her and she told them the truth, they told the same to mom and dad. Dad was upset with this fact and he asked her not to reveal the truth. She followed his instructions.”
I got chills in my spine wondering how much she would have been hurt. I thought I was the only one who was in pain because of loving somebody so much. Rather she was the one who was in real pain. The pain became so regular that you cannot see it anymore.
I went back home with a flower print summer dress. The kind girls wear in their teenage. I had gifted her many things earlier but not this and this was special. I placed a note on it and put it in her cupboard.
That night I sat in the living room with the mug of coffee in my hand. It was all dark in and outside my mind. Somebody switched on the light and I looked up. A fresh flower in the springs blossomed with the brightest smile walked towards me and hugged me.
All the pain of those years melted from the eyes; mine and hers. United in pain we shall stay together forever.
Wonder what the note was
“Hey sunshine,
Yes Rahat, you are my sunshine because that day I saw you in CCD sitting in front of me, I gave my all to you. Based on your bitter experiences you shut all the doors to your heart. I don’t hate the guy who broke your heart because he was the one you loved so truly. I am glad you told the truth to those guys who came before me to see you. I understand that you have and had trust issues and that is why you never told me about the truth yourself. Unlike other people, you can reach out to me anytime. I will not judge you or instruct you. I will give you your space like I have given but now I know things that I did not know.
Now I finally know the reason of your pain, the reason for you numbness. I don’t ask you to do anything for me but give me a single chance to restore your faith and hope. I know there will be situations that might remind you of the dark memories but I will help you in erasing those and then writing the new ones in place. There will be times you see those faces in the crowd, but I will be beside you looking back at them to give you the strength. And one day all of this will fall in place.
If not anything, can I be your friend? I want you to go back to your teenage when you were fresh and passionate about living life. Wear this dress and forget that you are tied to somebody. I will be your best friend, your best roommate and the best husband someday.
I’ll help just grab my hand.
P.S I love you (I know that’s your favorite novel too)
Yours Ketan